September 21, Eden

by Eden Swartz

 

September, 21 2011.  Eden Swartz

Today is the first day.  When I had Lavi, my first son, I let myself off the hook. I gave myself permission to take big break from worrying about my career.  Mostly, I think I enjoy feeling off the hook, but often, too often, I worry.  So, am I really off the hook?  I would like to remove the worry entirely, but that does not seem to be my way.  But, today is the first day in an art kind of way, and this first day feels good.

Also, today we had a chicken pox scare.  I kept Lavi home from school because he was spotty.  I remember, too well, when I had the chicken pox.  It was agonizing.  I had a moment of panic thinking that I was putting my kids through that same agony.  His spottiness seems to be better tonight, so we are wondering if he has chicken pox at all.

This photo, I am so still, but an endless amount of thinking and spinning swirls in my mind.